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About Deviant LisaFemale/Netherlands Recent Activity
Deviant for 5 Years
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Since the moment that I met you I am able to reconsider. I am having a hard time explaining what I feel because since some time feelings seem to be subjective, not meaningful, chaotic, not-mine.


I was unidentified.
I am unidentified.
My identy is something I do not want people to see.
My identy is build with pain and nothing seems to be able to fix me.

My mother is not part of this identity.
I do not think she would recognize me.
If I imagine her standing next to me, talking to me, listening to me, looking at me
I feel like that sixteen year old girl again which I was never able to let go of.
I am not complete without her being part of this being.
It is empty.

The person I have become is not connected to her, we have grown apart.
I feel ashamed of what I am.
I am constantly disconnected to the world, I do not see I do not feel
I cannot feel the warmth of a fire I cannot feel a kiss
I cannot enjoy looking at a flower I cannot feel the smoke in my body and I cannot cry.
Overly-numb.

Humanistics and constatly rationalising everything I come across
made that I overlook everything with a constant doubt.
Nothing seems real.
I would not believe in faith I would not believe in a soul
I would not believe in harmony I would not believe in people and I would not believe in love.

Don't even know what that is


And then you came.
And then you came.
And then you fucking came.
I did not ask you to.
I cannot talk to you.
My being been broken
Open
open
I can feel I can see I can lay at rest I can make my thoughts go all away and away I can smell I can hear I can feel my inner self and I can feel yours
I can feel yours.
I am yours.

Sometimes when I lay at night your voice gets into my mind
as if it is you speaking to me.
As if you are really thinking this specific thing at this specific time
and it scares me.

It scares me that I am able to feel your kiss
to feel your being
inside of me

It scares me to feel another human being inside of my soul
It scares me because I do not believe in a soul
It scares me because I do not believe in soulconnections

You cannot persevere
I cannot persevere
It hurts too much
I do not believe
I do not believe
I want to believe
I cannot believe


I do not know what is left of me when you will dissapear
I do not know what is left of you when I will dissapear

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:iconkurairo:
Kurairo Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Aah dankje voor de watch! ;u; (btw, ken ik je ergens van? *coughs* neopets *coughs*)
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:iconjoriilg:
Joriilg Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2016
Hehe :v Good old days good old days.
Leuk om je hier weer tegen te komen c: Je bent echt vooruit gegaan!
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:iconkurairo:
Kurairo Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahaha zeker ;o; ..ik probeer me echt superhard te herinneren wat je username was hahah, ik ben hier zo slecht in XD
Dankje haha! ^_^ <3
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:iconjoriilg:
Joriilg Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2016
Die was echt moeilijk lang :v __x_li_sa_x__ LOL
die kusjes doen het m.
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:iconn-b-r-artwork:
N-B-R-artwork Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Merry Christmas! :heart:
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:iconsetmyworldintomotion:
thanks for the favourite! <3
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:iconpixielisje:
Pixielisje Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Omfg Lisa, lang geleden :v 
Kom even hallo zeggen, we zouden echt nog eens bij moeten praten eigenlijk. 
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:iconjoriilg:
Joriilg Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013
hoi c:
Idd echt lang geleden... hoe is het met je? :3
jammer dat msn weg is enzo~
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:iconpixielisje:
Pixielisje Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Heel goed, hoe gaat het met jou? ^^ 
Ja dat wel, maar maybe ebuddy? 
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:iconaurorexmadeleine:
AurorexMadeleine Featured By Owner May 9, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
Hi C:
How are youuuu?
xoxo
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